Thufferin Thuccotash

There are a gazillion blogs out there written by people with cancer (and I thought I was the only one!), so many in fact that I can only manage to read a few on a regular basis. One of my favorities is called Thufferin Thuccotash - Laughting and Suffering. While the posts usually make me laugh, there is almost always something I can relate to in a serious and real way.

Here are a few lines from a recent post about the author's thoughts while waiting for x-ray results.

"I thought of the worst case scenario and how I might react? Surgery, chemo, bald, thin. Lord knows I've been on worse diets! I remember my reaction the first time I was diagnosed with cancer. I was hysterical, phoning everyone I knew, and then I started at the beginning of the phone book with people I didn't know. It was all about me! I panicked. I cried. I planned my funeral and thought of songs I wanted them to play. You know that song from the movie Platoon - Adagio for Strings, opus 11? Gah..that's such a moving song, perfect for my rainy afternoon funeral in March, a few days after my birthday where I turned 51 years old and so cute still!! The songs I chose would make me cry and then I'd get depressed. I was gnashing my teeth (what few I have left), back of my hand to my forehead. I picked out a lovely coffin, even wrote my guest list on a post-it note. Had chemo, went bald and survived (so far).

Now I sometimes feel guilty that people who grieved with me initially are annoyed that I dragged them into an emotional frenzy yet I didn't die. I mean, all that drama for nothing (or for, what now feels like, nothing in the scheme)."

What I'm grateful for today: All of the amazing, honest, crazy, ballsy, funny and inspiring women so willing to share their heart and souls with all of the other amazing, honest, crazy, ballsy, funny and inspiring women out there who need to know they are not alone.