Frustration

I have been coughing for 6 months. What started at Christmas as a deep productive cough, is now a shallow wheezing cough that drains all of the energy out of me. I’m not coughing as often or as deep, but I think that’s because I just don’t have the strength. I’ve slowly lost my voice over the past few weeks and now can only manage a whisper.

I’ve been on 6 different prescriptions, including a puffer, anti-biotics and steroids. The Decadron is keeping me from sleeping and making me want to eat everything that doesn’t walk. I didn’t take it last night because I felt I needed the rest. I took a sleeping pill instead and managed to get a decent night’s sleep, although I still feel worn out this morning.

I’ve tried honey, Echinacea, off-the-shelf cold products, etc. I’ve eaten so many cough drops that I’m surprised I have any teeth left in my mouth. I’m a reasonably active person, but I now get winded going up stairs. I do 100 keegles every morning because spontaneous coughing can cause spontaneous leakage (ladies, you know what I’m talkin’ bout…!).

I’ve been told it’s a post-viral inflammation. Another doctor told me it’s a post-nasal drip. I had an x-ray a few weeks ago that showed nothing on my lungs. My last CT scan says: In basal segments of right lower lobe there is bronchial wall thickening & geographic areas of peribroncovascular groundglass opacity. May represent acute or chronic infectious process.

I’m feeling totally worn down by this. I start radiation today and dread making yet another appointment with my family doctor to try and figure this out. I wrote yesterday that I have no voice. I’m at the point where I don’t know who to tell anyway because no one seems to have a solution.

The leader of the New German Medicine retreat I attended lost her voice that weekend and said it was because of “unresolved fear issues”. My fear is that I’m going to croak (silently) from acute or chronic infectious process before the cancer ever gets me. I'm considering taking up smoking, just to speed up the process.