Happy Mother's Day to me!

The good news is: Adam has finally arrived! We went out for Indian food to celebrate Mother’s Day and I’m enjoying catching up and just hanging out with him. I’m so happy that his life is going well (he just got offered a full-time job at Shell) and amazed that I somehow managed to produce such a nice and impressive son.

The bad news is: I had to tell him that there is cancer on my spine and that I’ll have to have radiation treatments. One of the worst things about having metastatic cancer is having to tell my family bad news. I’m realistic and getting used to the ups and downs, but it’s always a blow to Adam and my mom when there is a change for the worse.

I see my medical oncologist this week and the radiation specialist next week. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy every minute I get to spend with Adam.

My room of 6+

I received an email asking me to make a wish and pass the quote below on to six special women. If this group of women were ever to be in a room together, there is nothing that would be impossible.

I'm usually reluctant to forward these things on (because I'm suspicious that chain emails are just a way for the originator to get more email addresses to spam). And besides, I had a hard time picking just six women. My list would be a long one, which tells me that I am blessed.

Here is the quote:

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

What I'm grateful for: The remarkable women who make me laugh, show me kindness, listen when I need to vent, challenge me to be a better person, keep me from going off the deep end and continue to touch my life in a variety of interesting ways. (You know who you are!!!)

 
 
 





The prodigal son returns in:

day!

Overcoming Survivor's Guilt

The latest Cancer Crusade newsletter is about Overcoming Survivor's Guilt. I remember all too well the feeling when my friend Carol had a recurrence only 2 years after I met her in a support group. I asked myself "why her and not me?" but there was no answer.

Now that I've had a recurrence myself, I could ask the same question about other women who have not had it return; "why her and not me?". Again, there is no answer.

"...celebrate the one you have lost and to keep the flame of his or her life shining brightly by giving something good and beautiful to the world with your own life. It doesn't have to be big, but it has to come from a big place in your heart. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it must be generous of spirit."

Read the full story

Energy Therapy in Nova Scotia

Someone was asking recently about the energy guy I see in Mahone Bay, but I can't remember who asked. (I also can't remember what I had for breakfast, where I put my keys, or the name of my dentist).

Here's a link with information about him. http://chris-theedgeoflight.blogspot.com/2009/05/energy-therapy.html

A friend

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

--Henri Nouwen

Secret Garden

While our hotel is smack dab in the middle of the city, it has a beautiful courtyard – an oasis from the busy streets of Philadelphia. Leaves grow up the stucco walls, the bricks are mossy underfoot and it feels like I’m in my own secret garden.

Being at the conference with 200 other women with metastatic cancer has certainly reminded me of how important it is to enjoy the unexpected magic moments in my day.

As I soak up the ambiance in my secret garden before heading for the airport, I’m grateful for so many wonderful moments in my life: drinking wine on a patio in a small town in the Czech Republic with my son Adam; sitting on the rocks at Peggy’s Cove feeling the power of the ocean; riding a camel in a rain storm in Tanzania; listening to the chant of Buddhist nuns in the mountains of Nepal; gliding down a river in a wooden boat on the Mekong Delta.

I could go on and on… I am truly blessed!

Philadelphia

I am sitting in a hotel in Philadelphia, happy to have internet access once again. (If there’s not a support group for this addiction, there should be).

I just spent the weekend at the LBBC (Living Beyond Breast Cancer) Conference for Women with Advanced Breast Cancer. The speakers were informative, the breakout sessions were interesting, and the food was tasty and plentiful.

But the best part of the conference were the attendees themselves. About 200 women attended, some young and some not so young, some bald, some wearing wigs, some looking amazingly healthy, some struggling with symptoms and/or treatment side effects; everyone looking for information, for advice, for answers, for hope.

I attended a session this morning called Creative Coping: Healing through Writing. The facilitator had us do several exercises where we wrote free-style for 5 minutes. As some of the women shared what they wrote, you could feel the connection in the room. We didn’t know each other, but we didn’t need to; no judgement, no need to explain. It felt like a weight lifted to be with people who understood.

Here are a few random lines that I made note of because they moved me.

I’ve come back. Again and again, I’ve come back.

We huddled together, my sister and I, knowing that I am going to die.

Because I have a season…

One of the exercises we did was to look at a picture of a flower and write whatever comes to mind. I chose a poppy and here’s what I wrote. I’m no poet (and keep in mind that we had 5 minutes to write, without thinking about it!), but here it is, for what it’s worth.

Poppies remind me of Theresa.

Theresa, painter of poppies,

mother of young daughters,
friend to her bosom buddies.
Theresa, feisty, determined, opinionated, concerned, talented, bold, loved.

I carry Theresa and the other women that have gone from my life, not as a burden,
but as internal companions; reassurance that I can follow on their path and that my family will be OK and carry on.

Theresa, Carol, Sue.
These sisters of my heart will always be part of me,
And their examples continue to guide me on my journey.
I feel their love and strength as I carry them with appreciation for all they brought into my life.

What I'm grateful for today: That I am not alone.

The prodigal son returns in: 7 days