I see the Light!

Eventually light follows darkness.

I woke up this morning and realized that my hips and lower back weren't aching! Navigating my way down the stairs wasn't a major undertaking! I could possibly be feeling more like 80 than 110!

Despite the dreary sky (and threat of the S-word), I actually feel like I might be coming through the other side of my lost days. I'm happy to potentially be part of the real world again. Maybe I'll go crazy and go to Starbucks for coffee... or maybe I'll take pleasure in simple tasks like preparing healthy food or loading my dishwasher... or maybe I'll go for a walk.

Feeling like crap for a few days makes me appreciate getting outside even when the weather isn't great. Darkness gives us an opportunity to reflect and hope, and to trust that eventually everything, even the weather, will turn from dark to light.

Marie-Andrée

Eight years after her original diagnosis, Marie-Andrée’s cancer returned in the same breast. The good news is that there was no signs of metastasis anywhere, but it meant a mastectomy and more chemo. She is now waiting for surgery to remove her ovaries and may consider prophylactic mastectomy once she has the results.

When I first met Marie-Andrée on the dragon boat team, one of the things that was obvious is her love of family. Her son is now 12 and we’d often see him and his dad at dragon boat events. The Busting Out dragon boat team has been a huge source of support and pride – so much so that Marie-Andrée wore her team shirt to all of her chemo treatments!

When a chemo patient finishes their last treatment, they get to ring a bell in the chemo room.


Marie-Andrée writes:
"How do I look at life today? Some days with fear but most days with hope and a very deliberate attempt at making every moment count big time. Watching our son grow and play and become a fine young man is what I want to keep on doing for a very long time.

A few tips from Marie-Andrée for others with a recurrence (in no particular order):
· Accept the kindness of others with grace - the people around you want to help so much - take all that you need. You deserve it.
· Be your own advocate with the medical system and with those who surround you. Only you can speak for you.
· Trust kids. They can teach us so much and they deserve honesty.
· Go for a walk everyday - if you can with a supportive neighbour.
· Read good books or, if you can't concentrate, watch funny movies.
· Keep on living as much as you can...enjoy the small moments of everyday life."

You can read Marie-Andree’s story in her own words at "Marie-Andrée".

If you would like to read about other women living with cancer, click on "Cancer Heroes" below.

The Dark Days continue

I know what it feels like to be 110. Small things like walking up and down the stairs take a major effort. After making the bed, I slumped down on top of the comforter and it took me about 15 minutes before I found the energy to move again. I've had back pain before that was caused by sore and tight muscles, but this pain is in the bones and no amount of stretching helps. I have morphine pills and sometimes they seem rather tempting, but I want to try and make do with Ibuprofen. I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day...

The Dark Days

OK, I'll admit it. I'm cranky and feeling sorry for myself. Some days are for fighting; some are for recovery. Today is a recovery day.

These are the 'dark days' that I don't usually write about. The days when my stomache feels like raw hamburger and the taste of the inside of my own mouth makes me want to gag. The days when when my hips, shoulders, and just about every other joint aches at some point. The days when my internal organs feel like I've been hit by a bus. The days when I might not brush my teeth until noon and I don't always have the energy to make it into the shower.

The 'dark days' can be pretty boring. I sleep on and off and watch too much TV. Lying on the sofa for so long doesn't help my joints, and contributes to the pain in my lower back. Sometimes I get down on the floor and try to stretch it out. Sometimes I force myself to go for a walk, moving one foot methodically in front of the other.

But mostly I just give in to it and ride it out. There's something satisfying about wallowing in my own self-pity, knowing that the chemo cycle will eventually complete itself and I'll be able to appreciate the 'light days' again. Until then, I'm going to curl up into the fetal position, eat bad food, and rest my tired body.

Wrapping in the rain

I've been feeling relatively OK since my latest treatment. I have slight nausea, which is mostly settled by needing to eat often, and the horrible metal taste (like I've been licking dirty ashtrays) has returned. While I'm able to do some activities, I have to rest often. Mary & I went for a nice walk yesterday and then I spent the evening on the sofa.
This morning our W.R.A.P. (walking, running & poling) group met at the new cancer survivor park on Riverside & Industrial. We got pretty wet but managed to dry off and warm up at the Local Heroes afterwards. Time for another few hours on the sofa with my quilt and a good book...

Run for the Cure photos

You can view more Run for the Cure pictures on my Snapfish account. You don't have to log on to Snapfish; just click on View Now on the top right. You will see 2 albums: Chris's Jocks and Just Doing It. Enjoy!

My Kitchen

Moving off the cancer topic for a bit, my kitchen renovations are coming along, slowly but surely. The old flooring was ripped up yesterday and it's ready for the ceramic tile to be installed. My fridge and other kitchen furniture is in the diningroom, and the rest of my house is generally in a mess with the overflow, but it's great to be making progress!