Steroid induced Insomnia

It's 5:30 am on the morning of my 3rd chemo treatment. I estimate that I have had somewhere between 20 minutes and 2 hours of sleep, so if this post doesn't make a lot of sense, you'll understand why.

I am supposed to take 2 steroid pills (Decadron) in the morning and 2 at night for 3 days - the day before, the day of, and the day after each treatment. Unfortunately, one of the side affects of Decadron is insomnia.

So in an effort to lull myself to sleep, I finished reading half of The Reader and watched George Stroumboulopoulos interview Alanis Morrisette on the Hour.

I watched an infomercial on The Magic Bullet and wondered why mine doesn't crush ice like the one on TV does.

I watched a expose on Gary Bussey on Access Hollywood. (Did you know that he's been drug free for 13 years and that his rather bizarre behavior is caused by brain damage from a motorcycle accident?)

OK, tomorrow night I'm bringing out the big gun sleeping pills.

Congratulations to Carolyn Sturgess!

I recently wrote about cancer survivor/thriver Carolyn. She's living in Viking Alberta, but recently came back to Sudbury Ontario where she was inducted into the Athletic Hall of Fame at Laurentian University, along with her brother Shawn.
You can read about her many accomplishments as a basketball star on the Laurentian website. Congratulations Carolyn!

Is Pink too Passive???

October is Breast Cancer month. There aren't too many stores that you go into this month that aren't selling pink merchandise: pink fleece jackets, pink mugs, pink cooking utensils. Hell, one store is even selling pink toilet paper!

Thousands of people ran or walked the Run for the Cure and there is no end to the number of fund raisers that happen throughout the year.

Why then have they not found a cure yet? Maybe it's time to stop being so nicey-nicey and "pink" and raise a little hell. Maybe instead of passively walking in fundraisers, we need to lobby to have more of the money raised devoted to prevention and not just treatment options.

Don't get me wrong - I have walked the Run for the Cure for years and have bought my share of pink products. But maybe it's time to switch from pink ribbons and pearls to red, and kick some serious butt. After all "red is pink with attitude".

The Miracle of Spring

Mary & I both received a gift bag with some tulip bulbs and some delicious cake from our friend Judy. The note she put in the bags was the best part of the gift and I thought it was worth sharing. Here's what she wrote:

Dear Chris & Mary:

Some years ago a relative presented me with a beautiful selection of bulbs as a hostess gift. It was October, the month when all hell broke loose in the cancer diagnosis department. It was a month I feared and would have avoided entirely if at all possible. It was (and still is I guess) a month I tiptoed through with baited breath.

Anyway, I appreciated the gift, thanked the giver and put the bulbs aside . Weeks later I found the bright packets and examined the chubby little corms. It seemed miraculous that the magnificent flowers pictured would spring from these homely little orbs. It became my miracle.

I decided that I would indeed plant these bulbs and that I would also be there when they bloomed in technicolor. Down on my knees in the snow (I am definately a procrastinator) I dug and planted and wheeled and dealed with the gods and the bulbs and the powers that be. I would witness the blooming of this miracle. And I did!

Every October since then my relative presents me with more bulbs. I really don't think she is aware of all the implications of her gifts. She would probably be surprised to know that they have become magical symbols to me - symbols of hope, of endurance, of love and kinship - of all the things that really matter.

Please find a place for these bulbs in your garden (even in a pot). Try to beat the snow. Watch for them in spring and be thankful. Next fall we can all start planting again!

Love Judy

No, I'm not bald; I'm just taller than my hair!

When I was a kid some women wore wigs just for a change of hairstyle. I can't imagine why because they are hot, itchy and uncomfortable. Most of the time I wear a scarf or hat on my head, but there are times when nothing but a full head of hair will do. So I have several options...
The Blonde Bombshell. This is what my real hair would look like if it didn't have a mind of it's own.
Shirley Partridge. This is my backup wig in case I take bread out of the oven wearing the Blonde Bombshell wig. Don't laugh, I did it 10 years ago and melted the bangs into a solid clump.
Broom Hilda. A friend passed this one on for me to use as my 'hat wig'. Wearing a scarf or hat on top of my good wig can damage it (they are very fragile!) so this one will do in a pinch. Even the hairstylist who trimmed it for me said it was rather 'broomy'.

Pretty in Pink. A picture is worth a thousand words.

(see also Run for the Cure)

Carolyn - Cancer Hero

I've never met Carolyn in person. She was what I guess you could call an internet 'survivor hook up'. She's a friend of a friend who read my blog and decided to write to me.
What we have in common is that we both have metastatic breast cancer. What we don't have in common is that, while I'm in my 50s and my son is grown, Carolyn is only 38 years old and has 2 small boys (4 and 3).

Carolyn was first diagnosed in 2006 when she finished breast feeding and soon discovered that it was in her bones. She was on chemo (Taxotere) for a whole year but still managed to do the 60 km weekend walk to end breast cancer the past two years. I admire her determination and commitment to spending quality time with her family.Carolyn writes:

Cancer changed my way of thinking about life. I have two young boys and if I hadn’t gotten diagnosed I would have continued to work and rush home to feed the kids so I can get them to bed, etc. Now I am taking the time to smell the roses with them. Mentally, it has made me draw on my sports mental skills of filing away mistakes you make, now I try to file away the anxiety that I feel at times. Physically, I eat better now than I did before, mostly organic, I read labels and I have very little processed food. Emotionally, I still cry and get overwhelmed with emotion wondering whether I will be around to see my kids graduate…or worse yet, get to kindergarten.

I draw my strength from my children. I see life for what it is and I try not to let the little stuff bother me anymore. You can’t let the cancer beat you, so you have to file it away. You have to carry on, do things so that your mind doesn’t wander into the negative realms that cancer brings. Be inspiring to the next one diagnosed and love with all your heart.

Gratitude

I received this quote in an email from Patricia. It reminded me to live my life with gratitude.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Today I am grateful for all of the support I continue to receive. I've had calls, emails, cards, flowers, books, movies, food (great soup!), visits, rides, and numerous offers for help from too many people to name. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! THANK YOU!)

This is a picture of a "emergency diva kit" sent to me by some coworkers when I lost my hair.

Oh yes, I'm also grateful for my new laptop computer!