Does Cancer Make You Strong?

Does Cancer Make You Strong?
By TARA PARKER-POPE

"I think it is great to honor cancer patients and recognize the challenges we face. But don’t call me strong when I have no other choice. It discounts the many nights that I sobbed alone into my pillow and felt cowardice in every inch of my body. … One of the best byproducts of my cancer is that it has helped me befriend weakness. I no longer think of weakness as a negative term. In fact, I’m pretty damn proud that I can let myself feel scared and vulnerable. After all, cancer is scary business."

Read the full post

Books and Recipes

I'm always looking for content for my book and recipe blogs.

Books on the Edge: Have you read a good book lately? Send me a short review to share with other book lovers.










Edgy Recipes: I don't cook often but I love to have quick access to tried-and-true recipes, even when I'm travelling. Send me a few favorites and try recipes recommended by others.






You can email me your submissions at christine.lynds@rogers.com.

Daria at Living with Cancer always finds and posts the best videos. So, being the resourceful type, I steal her video links. :) (Thanks Daria!).

Here's a video of Kris Carr with some Crazy Sexy Cancer tips.

Thufferin Thuccotash

There are a gazillion blogs out there written by people with cancer (and I thought I was the only one!), so many in fact that I can only manage to read a few on a regular basis. One of my favorities is called Thufferin Thuccotash - Laughting and Suffering. While the posts usually make me laugh, there is almost always something I can relate to in a serious and real way.

Here are a few lines from a recent post about the author's thoughts while waiting for x-ray results.

"I thought of the worst case scenario and how I might react? Surgery, chemo, bald, thin. Lord knows I've been on worse diets! I remember my reaction the first time I was diagnosed with cancer. I was hysterical, phoning everyone I knew, and then I started at the beginning of the phone book with people I didn't know. It was all about me! I panicked. I cried. I planned my funeral and thought of songs I wanted them to play. You know that song from the movie Platoon - Adagio for Strings, opus 11? Gah..that's such a moving song, perfect for my rainy afternoon funeral in March, a few days after my birthday where I turned 51 years old and so cute still!! The songs I chose would make me cry and then I'd get depressed. I was gnashing my teeth (what few I have left), back of my hand to my forehead. I picked out a lovely coffin, even wrote my guest list on a post-it note. Had chemo, went bald and survived (so far).

Now I sometimes feel guilty that people who grieved with me initially are annoyed that I dragged them into an emotional frenzy yet I didn't die. I mean, all that drama for nothing (or for, what now feels like, nothing in the scheme)."

What I'm grateful for today: All of the amazing, honest, crazy, ballsy, funny and inspiring women so willing to share their heart and souls with all of the other amazing, honest, crazy, ballsy, funny and inspiring women out there who need to know they are not alone.

Not Done Yet - Alice's review

Some time ago a group of us attended a book launch of Laurie Kingston’s “Not Done Yet”. Alice kindly offered to write a review of the book. (Thanks Alice!).

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Not Done Yet: Living through breast cancer by Laurie Kingston 2009
Review by Alice McClymont

Laurie Kingston was 38 with an active life, a family and a demanding job when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2005. In November 2006 she learned that the cancer had spread to her liver. Her book “Not Done Yet” published in 2009 by Women’s Press Toronto is a very personal journal of her diagnosis and treatment, written with the utmost honesty, wit, insight and feeling. What makes the book unusual is that it is in the form of a blog with various lengths of entries and that it is a positive, witty and inspiring book in spite of the severity of the topic. Reading this book is like reading someone’s personal journal which involves the reader in the day to day life of Laurie, her very supportive spouse Tim and her two sons. Especially touching are the entries about her sons Sacha and Daniel and, as children often do, they provide some light moments in the midst of difficult times. For example when the boys are playing “pirate treasure” they find Laurie’s prosthesis in a box and ask what that pinkish. squishy thing is. When Laurie replies that it is something to make her look the same on both sides her sons retort with “ Cool”, taking it all in stride.

The book is very informative about various procedures such as bone scans, chemotherapy, ultrasounds and radiation and gives an honest account of both positive and negative communication with various health professionals. It is chilling to read about the kinds of comments that can be made by those who should know better like the medical student who referred to her portacath as a “lump” and the radiation oncologist who, when told the area radiated was still too tender for a prosthesis said ”Well, you have to wear something in public”, this the same doctor who objected to her having a different surname than that of her spouse.

The book will be of interest to different people for different reasons. To other cancer patients or survivors, the book shows how someone with a difficult prognosis can have a superlative outcome and the ups and downs of getting there. To the medical professionals, there are many hints about the importance of treating the patient with care and respect and being very careful of what one says. It is always better to look at the glass as half full no matter the prognosis. To relatives and friends of a cancer patient, the book clearly shows the importance of small gestures and kindness. As one of Laurie’s cards says “Between me and insanity stand my friends”.

As a breast cancer survivor with metastasis I particularly related to this book. I am much older than Laurie but relate so well to her love of reading and how getting into a good book can take your mind off the cancer, and like Laurie I believe a glass of wine can cure many ills. I also relate to Laurie’s wanting to write about her experience, both as therapy and to provide information to others who need positive stories. No one would choose to have cancer but as Laurie says “ my life with cancer is infinitely better than I would have thought possible”.

Laurie's blog: Not Just About Cancer

Read about Alice's journey

Army of Women

I was at the Pantry in the Glebe several weeks ago and met a young mom (33) with the cutest one year old. She also has breast cancer.

The mom's name is Daiva and she writes a blog at http://daivastory.blogspot.com/. I read through Davia's blog and came across information about a resource called Army of Women.

Davia writes:

I finally joined the "Army of Women" today (www.armyofwomen.org). Their goal is to have more than a million women join their group so that they can get information on breast cancer studies and be available for research. I urge all you ladies out there to join.

Never give up hope, by Laurie Kingston

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Laurie Kingston, author of “Not Done Yet”, tells her story. This is the advice she wished she had when diagnosed.

Read the article
Laurie's blog

The Last Lecture - discussion 3

In this week’s book club assignment on the Last Lecture by Randy Paush, Dennis Pyritz says:

“His [Randy's] cancer really did help him to focus. In “I’m on My Honeymoon, But If You Need Me…” he offers advice that we as cancer patients can readily connect with. “Time must be explicitly managed,” “You can always change the plan, but only if you have one,” and “Are you spending your time on the right things?””

My response:

I now plan less than I used to. I like the freedom of waking up in the morning and choosing exactly what I want to do with my day (when I’m feeling well enough, of course). I’ve let go of my need to be ‘productive’ and have more fully experienced the days and moments. I don’t commit to things ahead of time; I’ll sometimes play the cancer card and ask if I can decide at the last minute because I might not be feeling up to it that day. I’ve let go of the guilt of what I used to think of as wasting time. Sitting under a tree on a beautiful day now feels like time well spent.

Being Cancer book club

Book club Part III: Adventures ... and Lessons Learned

In this week’s book club assignment on the Last Lecture by Randy Paush, Dennis Pyritz asks the following questions:

In the beginning of this section Randy has met his pancreatuc cancer head-on, asking for the most difficult treatments available. He seems to be in remission. But at a follow-up visit, he discovers not only has he relapsed but has extensive metastases. If you have dealt with relapse or metastasis, how did it feel? How did you deal with it?

I used to think that if the cancer came back that I wouldn’t be able to cope, that I would curl up in the fetal position and cease to function, that I would get stuck in what I call ‘the dark side’. And I did just that for awhile. But that gets boring and miserable after awhile, so eventually I just put one foot in front of another and continued to move forward.

In ‘The Man in the Convertible” he relates how difficult it is to judge just how well you are doing emotionally when you are in the midst of your struggle with cancer. How did you make that determination?

Sometimes I wonder why I haven’t become a basket case during this journey. (Well… I have had my days…). But for the most part I think I am dealing with it better than did some earlier non-life threatening crises in my life. Is age and maturity a factor? Am I in denial? I'm not sure why I am coping as well as I am and sometimes feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for the crash.

In “Jai” Randy relates that his wife kept her own journal and that it helped her deal with all those “little” issues that can nag a relationship. Has your partner tried a journal? or something else that helped? She also found that having conversations with other caregivers helped. Does reading other blogs help your spouse or just make it more difficult?

I don’t think my family members write journals and I’m not sure how much they have talked to others about it. I did arrange for my mother to meet with a social worker that I know at the cancer clinic and I think that was very helpful. My son tells me he doesn’t read my blog often because he finds it better to deal with it in chunks, rather than on a daily basis. Living in Europe (I’m in Ottawa and he’s in the Netherlands) has made it especially difficult for him.

I know that my mom has a hard time reading my blog at times and I’m pretty certain that my family does not read other blogs. Being relatively private people, I suspect my family is a bit mystified at why I would choose to share my feelings in such a public forum, but they support me in dealing with things in a way that is most helpful to me.

Being Cancer book club
Previous book club questions

Read about how others have coped when cancer has returned

The Last Lecture

Dennis Pyritz has started a book club on his blog called Being Cancer. What a great idea! The club is currently reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I read it when it first came out and recently passed it on to a friend. Here are my answers to Dennis's questions from Part I & II of the book.

Initially Randy’s wife is opposed to his spending time on this speaking/writing project. How did you identify with this conflict between the needs of the sick person versus the needs of loved ones? To what extent do you think this conflict reflected gender orientations? How do you deal with self-fulfillment issues when you have a deadly disease?

Balancing your own needs and the needs of loved ones can be the most complicated part of this whole ordeal. I don't want to make this any harder for my family than it already is, but I know that putting my own needs first does just that sometimes. I try to listen and understand where they are coming from, but I need to make my own choices in the end.

An example of this was when I decided to go to Africa a month after having surgery to remove a tumor from my right lung. As all good mom's would, my mom worried and wanted to protect me from further harm. As a mother myself, I understood that. But the trip was very important to me and, in the end, I put my own needs and dreams first, despite the worry it was causing my mom.

Randy's decision to go ahead with his projects were the best thing for his family in the long run. Loved ones shouldn't be left with the sorrow of knowing that the person never realized their dreams.

“Kids - more than anything else - need to know their parents love them. Their parents don’t have to be alive for that to happen.” How does this theme resonate for you in dealing with illness and family? He worries that his young children will not remember him. What thoughts have you had about the legacy of memory that you might leave your children or grandchildren?

My son is an adult, but I have thought about what I can leave him so that he will continue to feel my love and presence in his life, even after I'm gone. (Adam, if you are reading his, I'm not planning for that to happen for a long time!!). With such a young family, I can understand why that was so important to Randy.

I keep a journal of letters that I've been writing to Adam since he was a baby. This blog will someday become a record of who I was and what was important to me. I've considered writing a children's book about my life for future grandchildren. I plan to call it The Story of Amma (what I want my grandchildren to call me).

Randy tells about how he was raised as a child. How did your own upbringing impact on how you handled your diagnosis and subsequent struggle with disease and treatment?

I think being an introvert has had more of an impact than my childhood has. While I do reach out to other people and am open about my illness, I have needed time to process each development on my own. An important part of that process for me has been writing about my experiences and thoughts along the way.

The second section deals with how Randy strove to achieve childhood dreams. How has that worked out for you? How did cancer affect your pursuit of your dreams?

I'm striving more to achieve adult dreams than childhood ones. It has taken me over 50 years to understand who I am and what is important to me. I do have a 'bucket list' but found that creating a list of what I had already done in my life was an even more meaningful exercise. It was confirmation to me of what a great life I've already had and it gave me hope that I will continue to have amazing experiences for a long time to come.

Being Cancer book club

My bucket list

My thoughts on Randy Pauch's book and life

Other Blogs

I love to get recommendations for good books… and good recipes. Send me yours and I’ll post them on one of these blogs.

Books on the Edge
Edgy Recipes

Also, I try to post any updates on our Saturday W.R.A.P (Walking, Running and Poling) group each week. We welcome newbies or used-to-be’s.