Short update

I'm typing this with one finger, It was confirmed that the hand is indeed broken and I am wearing a splint (kind of a half-cast). My GP is arranging for an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon but I am obviously hoping that surgery won't be necessary.

Adam has been here and gone. His visit flew by far too fast and I am missing him since he left on Sunday.

My mom is still here and will stay until after my birthday on the 30th. I think she's getting bored. It's pretty sad that my 72 year old mother has a more exciting life than I do!

A short update

I saw my onc yesterday but it was pretty routine. I hadn’t had a scan or test, so there was nothing to report – I’m not even really sure why I had the appointment. I see the radiation oncologist about my aneurysm on Monday.

The big news is… that Adam (aka the prodigal son) arrives today from Holland for 2 weeks! I can’t wait to give him a big hug. My mom will join us towards the end of his visit and she will stay until after my birthday at the end of the month.

What I’m grateful for today: No contest, Adam’s visit!

Visit with my sister

I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve alternated between being very busy and resting/recovering.

I’m beginning to realize why they give you a week off Xeloda after two weeks on. I think the side effects start to kick in after two weeks, because I seem to experience more on the weeks off. I've had my share of nausea and 'the-fast-poopies' this week (too much information!); also some abdominal pain.

The good news is that my feet and hands are still doing OK. Anka gave me a pedicure last week (complete with flower decals) and I’ve been putting castor oil on my feet at night (and then socks because it stains), thanks to a suggestion Krystyna sent me from bcmets.org.

My sister Nadine was here for a few days last week. She lives in Alberta so it’s been good for us to be together to talk about how my illness is emotionally affecting both of us and to just hang out. It might be just one person that actually has the cancer, but it affects the whole family. I really felt like I needed my sister, so I'm so glad to have this time with her.


I thought I should explain why she has a huge bowl of food in front of her in the picture... Nadine is a fabulous cook and she made a wonderful chicken salad so I made her pose with it. It was yummy and I had enough for another meal after she left!

What I’m grateful for today: That Nadine’s coming back on Wednesday for part 2 of our visit!

Welcome to my life

I just got a call to say they have a spot for me to have a CT scan of my lungs at 1:20 at the Civic (that's 1 hour 20 mins from now so I better move it!). Tomorrow is my Faslodex injection at the General. I'm waiting for a call to go and get my markings for radiation.

Last week my mom went with me to my appointment with the radiation oncologist. The appointment was long and he was hyper and hard to follow (maybe he was pre-testing the steriods to make sure they were ok for me to take...). I then had to go get an xray and then return back to the cancer clinic to wait for the results.

As we sat in the waiting room, my mom and I were both tired and a bit overwhelmed. I said "Welcome to my life". My mom leaned over and said under her breath "Your life sucks!", which cracked me up.

While having cancer sucks, my life doesn't. But it was a relief to know that my mom can finally see some humor in the day-to-day crap. She's come a long way!

Cranky

I have a case of the crankies today.

Maybe it's because I've had a cough since December and have had 4 different prescriptions with no improvement. If anything, it feels worse, and I've become short of breath doing normal things like walking up stairs. My last CT scan in February said that things were stable in my lungs, but I think it's time to book another scan, sooner rather than later.

Or maybe I'm just cranky because I'm missing Adam. Why is it that, the better the visit, the more I miss him when it's over? I’ll just have to reflect back on the wonderful week we had together and start planning a trip to Holland for the fall.

We pigged out had dinner at a favorite restaurant, Host India, on Mother’s Day. Adam finally got to meet Katey the Wonder Dog and we tooks lots of walks together. We even had a mother-and-son spa day :-) at Le Nordik in Chelsea. I had booked a massage for both of us but the masseuse wouldn’t do mine because I have cancer in my spine, even though I got the OK from my onc the day before. We enjoyed the pools anyway and had a lovely lunch outside.

Towards the end of the week, Mom joined us and we took in the Ottawa Tulip Festival. This was the 65th anniversary and celebration of the role of Canadian troops in the liberation of the Netherlands at the end of the war. The tulips are a gift from the Dutch royal family to the City of Ottawa for providing a safe harbor at that time. Adam bought a print of tulips with Parliament Hill in the background to display in their home in Den Haag.

Tara arrived from Calgary just in time for the Prodigal Son party on Saturday night. They got to meet some of my friends who only know them through my never-ending stories, and Adam got reacquainted with old friends, some who have known him since he was a boy. I cooked a turkey on the BBQ and took them off to the airport with full bellies (and a few tears) on Sunday.

There, I feel better, just looking at the pictures and thinking about the great time we had together.

PS – Another reason I may be feeling cranky is because I felt like I’ve been leaving messages in the PDN Black Hole (a.k.a. the voice message system for my Personal Designated Nurse at the cancer clinic) about the cough. I’m happy to report I just had a call from her and she will speak to the radiologist I’m seeing tomorrow about getting a chest x-ray.

Survivor

I’m behind in my postings and I have lots to catch up on: the Appetizers with the Ammas event, more on the conference in Philly, mother and son spa day, and the prodigal son party. For now, I’ll stick to the latest and hopefully come back to the other topics at a later date.

Yesterday was emotional with Adam and Tara leaving to go home. We BBQ’d a turkey for lunch and had ‘Festivus’ on my sunny deck before taking them to the airport. They got stuck in Frankfurt because of the volcano ash and had to take a train from there to Amsterdam, but they are finally home safe and sound. My heart is happy to know that they have such a great life in Europe, but it also aches a bit today because I miss them already.

The rest of me is a bit achy too because I had my first Pamidronate infusion this morning. It has left me with a few flu-like symptoms so I’m spending the evening in front of the TV finding out who won the latest Survivor. (I can’t believe that show is still on. Even more so, I can’t believe that I still watch it!).

I don't want to outwit, outplay, or outlast anyone.

I'm just fighting to stay in the game.

Oncology visit

My son Adam came to my oncologist appointment with me today. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not but I want him to feel that he is involved in my health care, at least as much as he can considering that he lives in Europe. The distance has its advantages and disadvantages: it makes denial easier but I think that being parachuted into an appointment at the cancer centre during his vacation leaves him feeling, understandably, a bit shell shocked.

The plan is to keep me on Faslodex and add a monthly Pamidronate IV to strengthen my bones and prevent fracture. I have an appointment next week with a radiation oncologist to discuss treatment for the lesions on my spine.

What I’m grateful for today: The leisurely walk that Adam, Katey and I took along the river today.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

The good news is: Adam has finally arrived! We went out for Indian food to celebrate Mother’s Day and I’m enjoying catching up and just hanging out with him. I’m so happy that his life is going well (he just got offered a full-time job at Shell) and amazed that I somehow managed to produce such a nice and impressive son.

The bad news is: I had to tell him that there is cancer on my spine and that I’ll have to have radiation treatments. One of the worst things about having metastatic cancer is having to tell my family bad news. I’m realistic and getting used to the ups and downs, but it’s always a blow to Adam and my mom when there is a change for the worse.

I see my medical oncologist this week and the radiation specialist next week. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy every minute I get to spend with Adam.

Ongoing adventures of Adam and Tara: Estonia

Adam sent me a text message this weekend to say that he is in Tallinn, the capital of Estonia.

I had to look it up to see exactly where Estonia is.










What I'm grateful for today: That, even though he is far away, Adam takes the time to email, call or send me a text message to stay connected.

The prodigal son returns in: 63 days

Happy Mother's Day

Adam is coming home for a week in May.

And he's arriving on Mother's Day!

Only 72 days to go...

What I'm grateful for today: I think that's obvious!

Crazy incoherent rant

Writing is good for the soul. It allows me to process my thoughts, express my emotions, and get things off my chest.
I’m pretty open about my life and try not to hold back from writing about things that might expose my mistakes and shortcomings. I also try to be careful not to write anything on this blog that might paint others in a negative way.
But a few things have happened lately that have gotten under my skin. People I care about have been caught in a shit-storm of not talking to one another and I’m struggling to understand.
So, in consideration for the privacy of others, here’s my ‘general’ rant for the day (or maybe the year). This will make absolutely no sense to 99% of you; just indulge me, OK?

I am not perfect. I can’t read people’s minds and can’t do anything about something if I only find out about it after the fact. Let me know while I can still do something about it because I haven't yet developed the ability to change history.
I sometimes lose my temper. Losing my temper is something that has come to me rather late in life and I haven’t yet perfected using it in a productive way. I’m willing to say I’m sorry and take my portion of the blame. Please be willing to hear me out, especially if you yourself have been known to lose your own temper in the past.

Not talking to the person you are mad at doesn’t resolve anything. Things just fester to the point where you don’t even know what you are mad about anymore, you just know that you are not talking to that ‘b$#+h’.
‘Poor me’ isn’t a healthy place to stay for long. Playing the role of victim will only attract people that will help to keep you there, not move forward. As a friend of mine says "suck it up buttercup" and fix what's worth fixing.

Consider the possibility that not everything is about you. Instead of inventing reasons in your head why the person did what they did, why not just ask them? Maybe your insecurities and paranoia are f--king with your head again - it may not have anything to do with you.
I am willing to talk things out after a disagreement, but I don’t have the time or energy to chase anyone and plead with them to ‘play nice’ and ‘make up’. If a hand is extended once, it may not be again. That makes it your move.

Whew! That felt good. Even if half of my family isn’t talking to me now.
Oh, that’s right, they weren’t before I wrote this...
What I’m grateful for today: That my mom arrived home safe after her 7 hour drive today. And that she’s still speaking to me. :-)

Ongoing adventures of Adam & Tara - Jeruselum

Adam's Facebook status says:

Adam is in Jerusalem. Such an intense yet fascinating city.

Adam and Tara went to all of the stations of Jesus' walk with the cross and the room of the last supper. They were in Ciaro for Christmas, then on to Jordan, and rode camels through Wadi Rum where Lawrence of Arabia was filmed.

I'm happy that they had such a wonderful trip but will be glad to know they are home safe and sound tomorrow.

Favorite Moment of 2009

Sylvia, Frances & I had a wonderful ski after their lesson at Mooney's Bay this morning. Sylvia mentioned that at a recent family reunion everyone was asked what their favorite moment of 2009 was.

As I wrote in my last post, I had a lot of great moments this past year. But my favorite one was probably sitting on a patio in a small town in the Czech Republic with my son. Adam had surprised me with a trip to Prague and then a few days in the country side. The patio was in a square in the centre of the town and the waiter didn't speak English. The only thing remotely recognizable on the menu was something called "Gordon Blue".

Adam ordered what he thought was a glass of red wine, which turned out to be a bottle. I'm not much of a drinker, but we were in wine country and the wine went down very easy. I got tipsy, on a patio in a square in a town who's name I can't remember, with my grown son and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world at that moment. The four days I spent with Adam in the Czech Republic will certainly go down as four of the best days of my life.

What was your favorite moment of 2009? Please leave a comment to share a special memory from the past year.

What I'm grateful for today: Sylvia & Frances, for agreeing to go for a ski with me, even though they were already tired from their ski lesson.

Brady

Here's a picture of my great-nephew on Christmas morning, wearing the fireman hat I made him. His grampa is a fire fighter; maybe he'll follow in his footsteps.
What I'm grateful for today: Finding a drugstore that's open on boxing day to stock up on kleenex & other supplies to treat my Christmas cold.

Ongoing adventures of Adam & Tara

Adam's Facebook page says:

Adam is driving around Switzerland. Next stop: Zurich.

The one before that says:

Adam is in London for a weekend of 'football'. Saturday (EPL): Chelsea vs. Blackburn at Stamford Bridge. Sunday (NFL): Patriots vs. Bucs at Wembley.

Where are my postcards? I did get a rather noisy call from a pub in London though. My sister & brother-in-law were there for the NFL game as well, so the phone got passed around. I love talking to drunk people at 4:00 in the afternoon! (our time, not theirs).

Further adventures of Adam and Tara

Adam was in Poland for the FIBA European Basketball Championships (aka ‘EuroBasket 2009’) this past weekend. His latest Facebook post says:

Adamski is wandering the interesting yet gritty streets of Krakow. EuroBasket semi-finals tonight: Spain vs. Greece, Slovenia vs. Serbia. Definitely hanging with the Slovenia supporters beforehand again since they are the most fun fans here (the Greeks are a close 2nd). Plus, Tara is half Slovene, so... go Slovenia!

Aged to near perfection :-)

My mom and her friend Marian were here for my birthday. They've been friends since before I was born and I think of Marian as my 2nd mother.Some friends came over to have a piece of cake. Can you guess how old I am?

Here's what Jean wrote on my card:

Happy Birthday! I can think of so many words or phrases that relate to you…

blogger
book lover
world traveler
great sense of humor
Nova Scotia bed breaker avec moi! (there’s a storey there…)
yoga
kayaker
onion hater
biker
runner
dynamite and possibly OCD organizer
shoe lover
dollar store queen
interior decorator with terrific taste
terrific cook
great party thrower & hostess
cross country skier
Katey the Wonder Dog’s mom
lover of nature
Adam – the love of your life
and last but not least … you are a wonderful friend to me and to so many others.

Much love Chris.
Jean xxoo

Where did my little boy go?

Adam had his 32nd birthday this month. How did that happen?

It didn’t really bother me when I turned 50 but it was shocking when Adam turned 30.

Inside I still feel 32 myself. How can I possibly be the mother of a grown man? I guess that’s why I still refer to him & Tara as ‘the kids’.

Ongong adventures of Adam & Tara

Adam hasn’t posted any new pictures on Facebook since Berlin, but he’s been to Turkey, the Czech Republic (with me!), Belguim, Edinburgh and Oslo. That’s just since May! Tara is currently in Calgary visiting family and Adam is home 'home alone'. Behave yourself Adam ... and don't forget to water the plants! :-)I took this picture of them at a restaurant in on the beach in Den Haag.

Cottage dreams

I’m just back from a week of eating, drinking, swimming, napping, socializing and relaxing at a beautiful cottage in Minden Ontario. (Notice I put eating and drinking first?).
The week was arranged through a cancer recovery initiative called Cottage Dreams, which offers recent cancer survivors the opportunity to reflect upon and celebrate recovery in a positive and relaxing setting.

After showing us around on our first day and making us feel very comfortable, our very generous hosts, Jim & Victoria, left us to enjoy their beautiful cottage for the week. The 5-bedroom cottage overlooks a picturesque lake and was the perfect place to relax and enjoy the company of my mom and some ‘extended family members’.

Mom & Mary & I were there for the full time, with visitors coming in two groups. Jennifer, Frances & Joanne left because of other commitments after the first few days. Unfortunately they missed the best weather days but I think they had fun anyway. Dianne, Anne & Sylvia came later in the week and enjoyed the warm and sunny weather.

So, in total, 8 cancer survivors were able to benefit from the donation the owners made. We were all amazed at their generosity and trust in handing over their lovely cottage to a group of strangers. I guess we didn’t look like the types to go all ‘rock star’ and trash the place. :-)

This was definitely a positive experience for me and I would recommend it to both cancer survivors and cottage owners. I was glad to see the recent addition of fall cottage visits on the Dream Cottages site. Unfortunately the deadline for applying was July 13th and has now passed.

Cottage Dreams